The Quiet Ache of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria – and the Gentle Path Home

Eve Florou
Nov 5
4 min read

Dear fellow traveller,

If you have ever felt your chest collapse because of a delayed text reply, or spent nights replaying a two-second side-eye until it echoes like a scream, this letter is for you.

I write as a psychotherapist, yes—but mostly as a witness. I sit daily with bright, sensitive minds whose nervous systems are tuned to the tiniest tremor of disconnection. I call that tuning Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, or RSD: the exquisite, often wordless ache that blooms when your brain interprets “not chosen” as “not safe.”

It is not fragility. It is a different kind of antenna—one that picks up stations others cannot hear.

Why RSD feels so loud in ADHD & gifted hearts

ADHD brains run on a faster emotional rpm. Emotions rise quickly, peak high, and take longer to settle. Gifted minds, meanwhile, can conceptualise ten future rejections before breakfast.

Put the two together and you get a fireworks display of imagined evaluation: every silence becomes a verdict, every “maybe” a looming exile.

Neuro-imaging work by Eisenberger, Lieberman & Williams (2003) shows that the brain doesn’t distinguish sharply between physical pain and the pain of being left out: the same “neural alarm” (dorsal anterior cingulate and anterior insula) lights up during social exclusion.

In ADHD and gifted nervous systems—already tuned to high RPM—this alarm is simply louder and faster, which is why a delayed text or a blank stare can feel like a punch to the chest. Your body isn’t over-reacting; it’s deploying the only warning system it owns.

What Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria looks like in everyday colour

You apologise pre-emptively, just to keep the peace.
You craft the perfect email, delete it, rewrite it, delay sending it—then feel faint when the reply finally arrives.
You excel at empathy, yet secretly fear you are “too much.”
You hide achievements so no one can accuse you of bragging.

These are not flaws. They are strategies your nervous system learned when love felt conditional on performance, or when curiosity was labelled “disruptive.”

A softer science: what helps, in the language of the body

Name the wave aloud. “This is RSD arriving.” Language calms the amygdala; it tells your body someone is in charge of the ship.
Hand on heart, exhale longer than you inhale. Multiple studies demonstrate that breathing techniques emphasizing longer exhalations effectively reduce emotional intensity.
Ask: “What story am I adding?” Separate observable fact (“They haven’t answered yet”) from the invented narrative (“They must hate me”).
Keep a tiny victories list. Each time you risk visibility—send the text, speak the idea—note it. Evidence of safety rewires the prediction of danger.

A whisper about medication

Sometimes the right stimulant or SNRI (Serotonin–Norepinephrine Re-uptake Inhibitor) softens the internal loudspeaker just enough for skills to land.

This is not weakness; it is scaffolding while you rebuild the staircase. Always consult a psychiatrist who understands both ADHD and emotional dysregulation— general practitioners can sometimes miss the nuances, but they are also very important for the process, working alongside psychiatrists.

Toward a new belonging

I dream of a world where no one has to apologise for the speed of their heart. Until then, let us practise micro-belongings:

Wear the bright coat even if someone once called it “too much.”
Let yourself be seen reading the self-help book.
Share the poem, the playlist, the niche meme – let someone discover the real algorithm of you.

Every time you choose exposure over disappearance, you vote for a kinder neural prophecy.

Your invitation to go deeper

I have gathered the tools my clients and I return to again and again and tucked them into a portable companion. My ebook RSD - A Neurodivergent Guide with soft practices for tender hearts will be ready for download in a couple of days.

Those who subscribe to my newsletter, of course, will receive a sneak-peak soon enough. So if you are on the list, stay tuned to your inbox (and spam folder!). And if you're not, consider giving it a try - remember, you can unsubscribe anytime.

Until then, remember: the ache is not a flaw in the glass; it is proof the lantern is lit. Carry it gently, and let it guide you toward people who celebrate the colour it casts.

With steadiness and spark,

Eve Florou

FAQs

Is RSD just another name for being too sensitive?

Sensitivity is the capacity to perceive. RSD is the pain response when that perception anticipates exclusion. One is a gift; the other is a wound. We can honour both.

Can RSD ever fully go away?

The amplitude usually softens once you know what it is and practise new responses. Most people describe it as “a familiar neighbour who rings the doorbell less often—and stays for tea instead of trashing the house.”

How do I explain RSD to a partner without sounding dramatic?

Try something in these lines: “My brain links silence or critique to danger. I’m learning new wiring, but in the meantime a quick ‘I’m not upset with you’ text feels like a life raft.” Most loving humans want to toss that raft once they know.

Does RSD only happen towards other people?

It can flare around institutions, creative projects, even your past self. Any arena where belonging is questioned can become a stage.

Where can I read more?

For early-access chapters, quiet-inbox essays, and first dibs on the e-book, slip your email into the newsletter below. Think of it as a candle I’ll light for you each week—no spam, just steady sparks.

Ready to walk the gentle path home?

Click here to subscribe for a free sneak-peek chapter of my new book: RSD – A Neurodivergent Guide, and get yours before release-week.

Eisenberger, N. I., Lieberman, M. D., & Williams, K. D. (2003). Does rejection hurt? An fMRI study of social exclusion. Science, 302(5643), 290-292.

Cappo, B., & Holmes, D. S. (1984). The utility of prolonged respiratory exhalation for reducing physiological and psychological arousal. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 28(4), 265-273.Kurdziel, L., et al. (2025). Brief slow-paced breathing acutely reduces emotional arousal: a replication study. Emotion (in press).